The Key to Family Discipleship

I do not think that my answer will be what you are thinking.

The key to family discipleship is not knowing all the answers about God, or being an excellent teacher, or even having a well thought out plan. The key to discipling your children is emotional safety. That is, do your children trust you emotionally? If you want to raise disciples, and be an intentional mama, emotional safety will make or break you.

Emotional safety is:

A secure, open environment where a child feels accepted, valued, and free from judgment. Being present, even when it’s hard!

Assurance that they can express their thoughts, questions, and feelings without fear of rejection, ridicule, or criticism. And sometimes it also means just listening, rather than jumping in to “fix it.”

Unconditional Love.

When we build emotionally safe spaces, we create a foundation for deeper connection and trust—a vital step in discipling our children. And what does it look like in practice? It looks like attachment parenting, and lucky for me that was my field of study! I can help you to understand it and implement it. If I were to break it down to just one sentence: Secure attachment parenting is a style that focuses on creating a strong, trusting bond with children by consistently responding to their emotional needs with warmth, empathy, and reliability.

Jesus showed compassion and openness to everyone He encountered and gave His full attention to matters of the heart. We are called to reflect that love and acceptance to our children, making room for meaningful conversations about faith.

If this strategy was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for us!

Creating an emotionally safe environment for kids is not a physical space; it lies in the heart and the family connection. A foundation of emotional safety equips children with the confidence to explore their beliefs and discover the beauty of a personal relationship with Jesus. This is important, because one day, they will move into developing and defending their own faith, rather than adopting or following their parent’s faith.

Emotional safety is the path to both introduce kids to faith and keep them in the faith. That’s what we want right? To raise children who know and follow Jesus, for always.

Here’s the two sides of emotional safety that you may not have considered, until now.

1: Emotional Safety Builds trust and Allows Children to Ask Questions and Express Doubts

Children naturally have questions about God, faith, and the world around them, and often, these questions are just the beginning of their faith journey. Emotional safety plays a crucial role in their openness to ask these questions. When kids know that we welcome their curiosity and doubts, they feel secure enough to voice what’s on their hearts and minds, even when it’s complicated or confusing. The key here is that we want them to ask hard questions, because if they are not asking us the hard questions, there’s an atheist just waiting to be the one to fill in the blank on our behalf.

In an emotionally safe environment, kids can explore their faith without fearing a harsh response if they don’t fully understand or believe yet. Rather than seeing doubt as a threat, we can view it as an opportunity to guide them toward deeper truth. By listening, engaging with their thoughts, and showing empathy, we validate their process. Jesus modeled this perfectly—He did not dismiss genuine questions. In the same way, when our children sense that their questions are honored, they learn to approach God with honesty, finding faith in a way that is personally meaningful to them.

Why does it matter? If they trust us, then they will learn to trust God. One naturally follows the other because we are the first reflection of God that our children will ever see. And our God, He will SHOW UP for them every time. We can trust that all will be revealed.

2: Emotional Safety Supports Emotional Regulation

Children under the age of 16 (give or take) are still developing the tools they need to manage and express their emotions. Emotion regulation is the ability to understand and handle feelings like fear, guilt, or insecurity. Emotion regulation helps kids to be smarter than their emotions, so as not to be ruled by them.

When we create emotional safety, we’re giving children the support they need to explore these feelings in a nonjudgmental space. For example, if a child feels scared to make a mistake, they will turn away from God, feeling judged or shamed, feeling unsafe. Emotionally safe parents are parents that will give grace and mercy as they are learning and growing. Our grace allows them to experience God’s grace through our responses, helping them learn that all emotions are acceptable and can be worked through with honesty and trust.

Just as Jesus welcomed the little children and valued their needs, we also demonstrate His love when we allow them to openly process their emotions. When kids experience this kind of safety, they’re not only learning to regulate their emotions, but they’re also discovering that God’s love meets them in every feeling they have. This again builds a foundation of trust in both their relationship with us and their understanding of God as a caring and accessible Father.

Emotion regulation plays an important role in building faith by helping children (and adults) understand and navigate their feelings in a way that draws them closer to God rather than overwhelming them.

Why does it matter? Emotion regulation equips kids to handle the ups and downs of life. When they can navigate difficult emotions, they learn that they don’t have to give up on faith when things get hard. Instead, they can turn to God for strength and hope, reinforcing a resilient faith that can grow through life’s challenges.

How to Create a Home Environment That is Emotionally Safe

Model Open Communication
Encourage your children to share their thoughts, questions, and feelings by regularly having open, honest conversations. Let them know it’s okay to talk about anything, from what they’re wondering about God to any feelings of guilt or doubt they may be experiencing. When you model active listening and empathetic responses, you’re creating a culture of openness.
Set Clear Boundaries with Kindness
Discipline is essential for healthy growth, but it can be delivered in a way that doesn’t intimidate or shame. When setting boundaries, explain why the rules exist and how they help everyone in the family. When discipline is necessary, approach it calmly, explaining how their choices connect to values or lessons from Jesus’ teachings and/or within your family values.
Affirm Difficult Emotions
Let your children know that God cares about each emotion they experience. Acknowledge their feelings and provide reassurance of your unconditional love. Show them that God meets them right where they are, and so do you. This approach helps them feel accepted, even when they’re wrestling with difficult emotions. What we don’t want is children ruled by emotions, so don’t shy away from the difficult ones, teach them how to navigate them.
Create Rituals of Connection
Establish regular times for family check-ins and trust building activities. Consistent rituals give children the security of knowing that you are present and that they can trust you.
Use Faith as a Foundation for Teaching Emotional Skills
Integrate lessons from Scripture to help your children navigate emotions. For example, when they feel afraid, you could point them to verses about God’s presence in times of fear. By connecting faith to their emotions, you’re equipping them with spiritual tools they can turn to as they grow. Resilient faith is the kind of faith that is built over time, and that is reliable in both strength and consistency.

Children/humans are led by emotions, so we would be prudent to provide emotional safety and teach emotion skills so that they aren’t ruled by emotions. Find actionable help in building faith-based emotional safety, trust, and family connection in the Mama’s Discipleship Guide.