Ages and Stages: How age impacts discipleship

As children grow, their age and developmental stage significantly influence how they respond to discipleship practices. Understanding these typical developmental needs is key to fostering a positive faith experience. You must know your child’s developmental abilities and practices in order to best connect with them and maintain healthy expectations of their spiritual and emotional abilities and development.

I will always advocate for mama to maintain a close connection with your children through a nurturing relationship, which is essential because they experience Jesus through your actions and attitudes. By prioritizing connection over perfection, you help cultivate a lasting, meaningful relationship with Christ first through you and then on their own as they build their own faith. Use the following to help guide you to discover how children’s faith develops at different ages. Remember, that you know your child best and all children have unique development. These ages may vary.

Age 0-3: Babies learn about God’s love through nurturing and physical touch. These kids need to have their basic needs met. They begin to build a secure attachment to you. They need to know they can count on you.

Age 4-6: Children begin asking ‘Why?’ questions about life and God. Use this stage to introduce basic Bible stories and teach simple prayers. Be sure that you adjust any stories to their emotional capacity, as some can be scary. Use the International Children’s Bible for this age range. Introduce the concept that “every word in the Bible is true.” They value pretend play, hands-on learning, crafts, and stories.

Age 7-9: Children start wrestling with right and wrong. Help them understand that God values love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. They will struggle the most with self-control and they will recognize their temptations and failures. Practice forgiveness and introduce the concepts of mercy and justice. Teach them the ACTS prayer model to help them to learn confession and repentance which will help their heart to feel less guilt in their struggles. They value games with rules, active play, and experimental learning.

Age 10-13: Children are building foundations of faith that will be taken outside of the home. This stage is when their parents’ opinions start to matter less than their friends’ opinions. Start to focus more on faith and morality. This is also the time when children start questioning their beliefs and begin building their own personal faith. It will become less of “my parents’ faith” and more “my own faith.” Create a safe space for their questions and doubts, both inside your home and also outside your home in your faith community. It is valuable for these children to have Christian friendships. Encourage them to establish their own prayer life and bring every worry to Jesus. They value hands-on learning, peer interaction, routine and structure, and visual aids/multimedia.

Age 14-18: Children are struggling with identity. Help them to recognize their identity in Christ, rather than society or peers. Personal journaling can help, as well as prayer journals. These children are facing some tough situations and the safe space that you’ve created both in your home and outside of it are going to be instrumental. Consider introducing a mentor relationship such as a youth group leader or slightly older relative. Continue to encourage them to build their own faith. These children are preparing for life transitions, discuss how faith can be a source of strength. Discuss the values that your child should look for in other friends and also in romantic relationships. They value autonomy, critical thinking, debate and discussion, mentorship, leadership, and life application.

As we watch our children grow, we see the remarkable ways each stage shapes their understanding of faith and self. From the curiosity of early childhood to the searching questions of the teenage years, every age brings new opportunities to nurture a child’s spiritual and personal development. Recognizing these stages allows us to support their growth meaningfully—helping them experience God’s love in ways they can truly understand. Mama, walk alongside them, offer guidance and encourage their relationship with God. As we adapt to their needs, we can celebrate their growth and nurture the foundation for a lasting faith that will continue to develop throughout their lives.

Xo, Jalene